iPhone 3G

Translation From Apple’s Unique Dialect of PR-Speak to English of the ‘Letter From Apple Regarding iPhone 4′

Apple Iphone and Apple Iphone 3G
Image by Ninja M. via Flickr

Translation From Apple’s Unique Dialect of PR-Speak to English of the ‘Letter From Apple Regarding iPhone 4’

Friday, 2 July 2010

Source: “Letter From Apple Regarding iPhone 4”.

The iPhone 4 has been the most successful product launch in Apple’s history. It has been judged by reviewers around the world to be the best smartphone ever, and users have told us that they love it. So we were surprised when we read reports of reception problems, and we immediately began investigating them. Here is what we have learned.

We cannot believe we had to write this fucking letter.

To start with, gripping almost any mobile phone in certain ways will reduce its reception by 1 or more bars. This is true of iPhone 4, iPhone 3GS, as well as many Droid, Nokia and RIM phones.

We cannot believe we’re getting shit for this.

But some users have reported that iPhone 4 can drop 4 or 5 bars when tightly held in a way which covers the black strip in the lower left corner of the metal band. This is a far bigger drop than normal, and as a result some have accused the iPhone 4 of having a faulty antenna design.

(No translation necessary.)

At the same time, we continue to read articles and receive hundreds of emails from users saying that iPhone 4 reception is better than the iPhone 3GS. They are delighted. This matches our own experience and testing. What can explain all of this?

It really is a better antenna and gets better reception, overall, than any previous iPhone. That’s really the hell of this whole goddamn situation. It’s like a two steps forward, one step back design, except maybe more like three steps forward, because this thing is faster at downloading, 10 times faster at uploading, and most importantly is better at not dropping calls with a weak signal. But, yes, there’s that one step back, wherein it can suffer from unintended attenuation when you bridge the lower-left antenna gap with your skin, and frankly, we’re a little pissed that this one step back is getting all the attention.

We have discovered the cause of this dramatic drop in bars, and it is both simple and surprising.

We are going to blame AT&T.

Upon investigation, we were stunned to find that the formula we use to calculate how many bars of signal strength to display is totally wrong. Our formula, in many instances, mistakenly displays 2 more bars than it should for a given signal strength. For example, we sometimes display 4 bars when we should be displaying as few as 2 bars.

We decided from the outset to set the formula for our bars-of-signal strength indicator to make the iPhone look good — to make it look as if it “gets more bars”. That decision has now bitten us on our ass.

Users observing a drop of several bars when they grip their iPhone in a certain way are most likely in an area with very weak signal strength, but they don’t know it because we are erroneously displaying 4 or 5 bars. Their big drop in bars is because their high bars were never real in the first place.

Yes, with no case on the phone, your signal strength can drop by about 20 or even 30 percent depending how you hold the phone. We’re going to change the bar algorithm so that you’ll only lose one bar (maybe two, if you’re holding the phone obnoxiously tight or have gross sweaty palms) if you’re holding it that way.

To fix this, we are adopting AT&T’s recently recommended formula for calculating how many bars to display for a given signal strength. The real signal strength remains the same, but the iPhone’s bars will report it far more accurately, providing users a much better indication of the reception they will get in a given area. We are also making bars 1, 2 and 3 a bit taller so they will be easier to see.

We are braced for the backlash when, after installing this update, people who weren’t experiencing any problems at all with their iPhones start complaining, loudly, that their phones which used to get five bars now only get three or two or whatever from the same locations, and we all know — us and everyone reading this — that Gizmodo will immediately declare that the update has made iPhone 4 reception worse, even though we’ve just explained that we’re not changing anything related to actual reception, but rather only to how we indicate signal strength.

We will issue a free software update within a few weeks that incorporates the corrected formula. Since this mistake has been present since the original iPhone, this software update will also be available for the iPhone 3GS and iPhone 3G.

(No translation necessary.)

We have gone back to our labs and retested everything, and the results are the same — the iPhone 4’s wireless performance is the best we have ever shipped. For the vast majority of users who have not been troubled by this issue, this software update will only make your bars more accurate. For those who have had concerns, we apologize for any anxiety we may have caused.

Don’t fuck this thing up for us. We mean, have you seen the Retina Display?

As a reminder, if you are not fully satisfied, you can return your undamaged iPhone to any Apple Retail Store or the online Apple Store within 30 days of purchase for a full refund.

We dare you.

And take your class action suits filed four days after we released the goddamn thing and stick them up your fucking asses.

We hope you love the iPhone 4 as much as we do.

Seriously, have you seen it?

Thank you for your patience and support.

Don’t hold it that way, or buy a case.

Brilliantly funny – nsfw language, but oh so cleverly used:)
The Daring Fireball site is ALWAYS clever, witty, and laugh out loud genius.
Scary insightful, too…

Posted via email from timelady’s posterous

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Bits of me

It has been a week. One would expect that. Ok, not entirely a week in date terms, if one is to be fussy, its just feels that way. Much other people’s stuff and comings and goings and thinkings and wantings and not wantings and loving but not in the way they wanted and loving is just enough kind of ways and oh my. I love where i probably shouldn’t, and that is my own business and a pattern i see no reason to change now (the shouldn’t i mean, never been good at shoulds), don’t love where it is probably wanted (at least how it is wanted), but love is what love wills itself into being.

A wilful child, love, best thing is just to get on with it, like life, and see where it does or doesn’t go. However, the constant touchstone of my life, i always love my beloved family, my dearest friends, and my children – well, they are my literal raison d’etre. My wayward heart does its own thing beyond those absolutes.

Eb (Evil Back) is my most faithful companion, and all efforts to persuade him to be otherwise are to no avail. This is discouraging but am attempting further ways to persuade him that he is not what i want in a devoted lover, thank you. Attempting hydrotherapy, physiotherapy, and accupuncture in upcoming weeks, may keep you posted, or not as i do or don’t think of it. I don’t tend to do much of that here, why would that interest you? It doesn’t do much for me either!

However, for Facebook refugees bemoaning that i no longer am there, and somehow failing to be able to live in a  world where simple hi how are you works into increasingly busy lives, i made rash promises to the effect of updating here occasionally. Consider it an occasion.

I try to post things of interest. I have too many interests, and too much that is demanding of my time. I have taken to the step of rebelling against that strange sense of obligation to finish reading all my feeds (like unwanted vegetables to children at dinner), even if Feedly makes it so nice an experience, and to post to social networks regularly, (i remain a solitary monster who reaches out in bits and pieces. Mostly pieces, though some are quite pretty held up in the light). Finiding posting time is hard enough, and takes a combination of Zemanta, Shareaholic, WordPress tools, and Evernote. Oh, and strange feeling that this looks interesting finds that seem to call a theme together enough to make me post.

I am addicted to podcasts, but also gleefully decide this week they will be marked as watched despite not having been. Oh the anarchy. I tend not to miss Boxcutters ever, and they mentioned me very nicely this week, and i got a warm chocolate fudge gooey kind of aww moment from that – thanks guys.

Trying to squeeze in half an hour a day for guitar practice is a battle i do not always win but i do try so hard, for i love Fergus the wonder guitar. I am fascinating by the strange numb blistery feeling on my left hand fingers, where i hold the strings for chords. Having played the violin, i think i have finally persuaded my wrist to settle down and just let my fingers decide placement, don’t be so damn rigid. Feels still a tad anarchic. I use a few really good apps, such as Guitar Toolkit and Chords on the iPhone.

Being a book addict, audiobooks (thanks Audible.com ) are a constant companion, i try for two a week. Used to read a book a day, still do if i decide i am allowing myself a hide form the world (despite it knocking urgently at my door and emailing and ringing and messaging) day when the kids are not around. This is increasingly hard to find.

I have made two gift quilts for baby and toddler, and have two play mat/snuggle rugs for small ones, and two baby ones to make as gifts. I have made an intensely bright tye died rainbow fleece winter coat that just needs lining and buttons, and hurts your eyes like sunshine on a bright day, and is very warm,therefore perfect. I started my quilt (design below), and am starting to make pet beds with the So So Sisters, (my partners in crime and dear sisters of the heart and material), as local pet shelters are in need for these colder days.Also two double, one queen to king sized quilts of various bizarre designs for three eldest daughters, five or six knitting projects, made fleecy pjs for two smallest, and and am hand stitching in bed (i do spend a large amount of time stuck here or in a wheelchair with EB after all), a hex pieced bag for me to carry my iPad (love it still)  and iPhone (love it too!) and other general stuff around in. Must be mad. I keep promising to resurrect the photos of collected works we had up on Facebook, i will get there. Maybe on weekend if someone reminds me. I am using my IPad a lot oddly in quilting, and Dropbox, and running EQ7 (via Parallels) on my Macbook Pro, so technology seems to be my thing no matter what I do.

timelady quilt

Timelady Quilt

Also working on several webdev projects for work, and one for a not for profit i shall be talking a lot about very soon, as soon as i get the content finished for the site – i have written in my todo list by weekend, so it must be done by then. It is amazing, and has huge potential to save AND enhance lives, so am very very excited to be a part of it.

I have had one thing mostly distracting my thoughts the last few months, i am hoping i have reached a resolution, a place of rest and peace and a point to start growing and evolving with it, rather than struggling with it, but time will tell, it always does. It is still background noise, but hopefully the playlist has hit more of an upbeat but ambient vibe, suitable for joy and acceptance and potential, less for worry and fear and pain.

In short, like all of us, i have a lot on the surface, and far more brewing underneath. The brave face is necessary to function. I am not that good at it in my writing, hence these updates are irregular. I am too honest in my writing, and have found it hard enough to not be more detailed and open. However, tis is not a bare my soul blog. It is whatever it feels like it is at the time. It feels like i have said enough:)

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Days carry no warning labels.

Detail of a barbed wire fence
Image via Wikipedia

There is no sign that a day brings change to your life. Some you are expecting, imminent births, a dying relative you are mourning in rehearsal almost, ready for the full production of grief to be mounted. These are planned for, doors you know you will walk through changed, your life, you as a person, different in profound ways. Not all of that sort of change is bad, as any rejoicing, ecstatic new parent can attest. Even death can be merciful release from suffering, and a chance grieve fully, and start to heal.

Then there are other days. Some carry no signs of impending deviation from the expected. Some carry the noise and darkness gathering of far off thunder and storm clouds, some the ominous rumblings and smoke plumes from the volcano you live with. Again, not all the warnings are dire signs – thunder and storm clouds can be a sign of welcome relief in drought stricken lands. Volcano eruptions bring disaster immediately, but in the longer term can bring more land to live on, and fertile soil to grow in, but that is a terribly long term view…depends on how you look at change, how immediately, with what magnitude, it impacts on you, on others.

Then there are the idle Tuesdays, as one song (from a speech) puts it, when you may be blindsided. When your routine is altered in some way, either immediately shattering, or with dawning relusation of impact, from some simple observations, of the eureka moment when the facts come together. Even these situations can be cause for rejoicing – the unexpected raise, the sudden sweetness of recognizing you are in love…(umm, on second thought, that, in my own experience, has been so barbed wire tangled with bitter in the sweetness, and pain, and a price that is higher than advertised, that it does not serve as the positive I wished to convey. I hasten to add, though, I am sure, or at least earnestly hope, it is otherwise for others wiser than I)….

What I am trying in a meandering way, as is my wont, to convey a sense that there is a normalcy that can ne irrevocably altered in a short space of time, as if you are a chess piece casually and abruptly on another square. That square looks the same as the other one, that old life, but you find, either by degrees or sudden shock, that changed it, and you, and all you knew, you felt, you believed, must be reassessed. All without so much as a by your leave, a sign saying ‘here be dragons’, a gps warning of traffic hazards ahead. Just change. Change, and its inevitable and not always positive companion, consequence.

Consequence, that is the fear of Hamlet. Sleep is one thing, but to dream? Consequence, like reality, can be terribly subjective.

A dawning realization of something can be triggered by other events, leading to a cascade of consequence, like being caught in an unexpected heavy storm, shivering and soaked to the skin, nowhere to shelter.

This can happen sitting quietly on your bed, when certain facts must be faced, and when they are, others are wheeled out, as on a bizarre dessert trolley, for your consideration. There they all are, your realities lined up. Your consequences are served, madam, a set menu. Not what you ordered or expected, but definitely to be digested. They will not, you realise with dread, be palatable. That, sadly, is the one thing of mo consequence.

Still, life’s like that. Best thing is just to get on with it.

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An open letter to Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs while presenting the iPad in San Fr...
Image via Wikipedia

I think you must get sick of the negativity. You are a dreamer of dreams in a mundane world – and also pragmatic. You know there is just no pleasing some people, but you seem at times weary, at times stung, often just plain surprised at people being sp negative.

I love my iPhone. To utter distracted must know where it is levels. I tell everyone it will change their world, and without fail, though perhaps with reluctance, they all admit it has changed their lives for the better. Oh sure, you don’t NEED an iPhone, but you don’t need beauty or things to taste delicious or need entertainment. You just get to live rather than exist with such differences.

Those of us lucky enough to be able obtain one are enriched. Not all of us to the same degree – but oh, you must say so vastly the majority of us to such a large extent that you changed the very concept of a mobile phone.

I love the idea of Android. The more inspired by, striving, standing on the shoulders of giants, well, the better for the rest of us. Trickle down, I believe, (with some degree of knowledge of what it is inspiring people to attempt even in my small sphere), trickle down – change will build on change, and many will benefit from the vision that started with you.

Now the iPad. Wow. I know, more criticism.

I have read the disparaging reports – the iPad is not a laptop, is not a netbook. Which is completely correct, and gloriously so. What the critics call weakness is the strength of this device. It is a mini iPod. It is a shinier Kindle (that does more). That is merely little people with little minds and smaller dreams.

I read somewhere it is a solution to problems you didn’t know you have. An interesting start on it, yes. Yet not enough, and slightly negative in suggestion. You create inspiration, Mr Jobs. You are the Willy Wonka of my childhood, the Carl Sagan of my adolescence, awakening me to worlds of dreams, obtainable impossibilities.

I bought my iPad today, a slightly Sisyphean task (logistics, not any fault of the amazing staff at Next Byte Glenunga, who would have organised relays if Ancient Grecian fame to get stock to us faster. Tired as I was, in pain, recovering from nasty things happening to my back, they were upbeat and cheerful as my wheelchair and I paced in waiting).

I also bought with and for friends. None of us have been anything but excited. Techies to a person, I cannot remember a more consistent level of excitement at buying new tech. One always enjoys the new, but, Mr Jobs, you helped us become kids at Christmas again. Long after the unwrapping, that was a mere introduction to the main event.

I will not speak further if the others, for that is not mine to do. The general vibe and excitement is often belittled as ‘fanboys’, or copying the crowd, to have for the sake of having. Perhaps a few strange souls do that. Humanity is odd. That is just fine by me. So I speak for myself.

This device, this hard to classify technology is the stuff of magic to adults. Children accept it more readily as so – and the older generations accept the inevitable incomprehensible magic if technology much better than we cynical, greedy, please us now types.

Arthur C Clarke wrote famously : “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” In this vase, you have reached the zenith of that concept, the utmost peak.

I love my iPhone. My Macbook Pro and the nice 24″ screen are indispensable for development. Thank you for game changing technology.

For the iPad, thank you, for the forgotten sense of wonder and possibility. In a field that has always set my imagination on fire, there is a blaze, a conflagration of potential. It will settle, but remain burning strongly, fuelled afresh as others strive to stand on the shoulders of giants – of the giant – again.

You plant not seeds, but mighty ideas, so large that people must merely imitate to even begin to hope of improving on. They will, some always do. App developers will be fired again, and for every 10000 mundane apps, something as wonderful as your initial dream will be realised.

You are a visionary, and you create in the medium of today. Leonardo Da Vinci would have grokked you. You dream big dreams of things we don’t know we need yet, ahead of their time. He sketched helicopters as well as slightly smirking women. Beauty and function were all the same to him, execution, form, style.

As an Open Source by nature and inclination I long resisted your siren call. I think I understand now the purity of your vision drives you to control in ways we do not always understand or like. I wish that could be different, and a compromise be found. I am hopeful always of that. Yet to not buy due to purity of principle is to not dream unless it meets my highest standards. This surpasses my dreams, ways will be found for the standards, if the dream is magic enough.

It is magic enough. This is a shameless paeon of praise. You’ve earnt it. Let all of us with little voices be heard to counter the big criticisms. Dream on, dreamer.

Thank you,


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Monday reading…

Lifehacker has some interesting stuff, tech and non tech related :

Generate Hot Water With Your Compost Heap

Clean Your Bathtub With A Grapefruit And Some Salt

Five Best Personal Web Hosts

Or just flick through Last Week’s Best Posts

From other sites:
Why Amazon Should Worry About Google App Engine for Business

A friend of mine wrote this article, good to see talent getting out there! Mubi: A Social Network To Watch Movies Online For Free

11+ Computer Security Apps to Keep Your Freelancing Business Safe

The Unanswered Questions About Google TV

Sound Sunday: 5+ Free MP3 Downloads From Indie / Rock Bands

Geek fun for us iNerds – Yes, You Can Create Plugins for iPhone OS, and Soda machine controlled by iPhone app

Tech heads in the cloud – So You Wanna Be a SaaS Provider?

I will be waiting for this, hope they get it right! Mark Twain’s autobiography to be finally published, 100 years after his death – Boing Boing

From the sublime to the ridiculous – confused is a very, very kind word…Sarah Palin Is Very, Very Confused

Now, we know there is not going to be two contenders in corners, coming out for a good clean fight, don’t we, when Apple and Google are at war, (though one must confess, thumping someone into a bloody stupor has never struck me as particularly good, clean, or fair…). Talkcast tonight: chronicling the first shots in the Google/Apple Wars.

HUGE Evernote fan, so this is interesting. I have stopped being a twitter slave, only Google Buzz now and then, so i am not sure if this could lure me back in any way – When Seesmic met Evernote

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