November 2010Monthly Archives
Unfriending, Unfollowing, Unsubscribing… Less Is More
It’s often said “he with the most names wins”, but while that may be true for a social network, it’s not always true for an individual. You are not a social network. You are just one point in that network.
The List – Hayley Rose – Open Salon
Maybe Andy would never be my boyfriend or my lover, but that night I realized, he was probably one of the best friends I had ever had.
Below is a replica of the list that Andy made for me. It’s a little different. It’s not on yellow legal paper and written with a black sharpie like the one Andy made me, but it is tailored for you in a way that addresses any abusive or unhealthy relationship/ friendship/ work situation. Simply refer to this or write a copy for yourself and keep it in your pocket. I know carrying it in my pocket and referring to it often helped me.
What YOU Will Do Starting Now
1.Become a Bitch for a While and Be Selfish
By bitch, it actually means that you must be assertive in looking out for your best interests. By selfish, it means you MUST always keep your best interests and how your decisions will ultimately effect you in mind.
2.Stand up for Yourself
You will know in your gut when this needs to be done. And you don’t have to get I on them, as I like to call it. Standing up for yourself can be done coolly and tactfully (and is much more effective when done so).
3. Get / Find a Job (or Hobbies) That Interest You
So you really wanted to be a nurse or an engineer but never found the time? Start taking steps that will allow you to explore your options and will inevitably lead you to do so. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and most long term goals take years, but don’t give up on your dreams.
Or maybe take up a hobby you enjoy or you’ve always wanted to try such as painting, building model airplanes, shoe shopping. Doing something fun will give you a lot of self satisfaction. Also I recommend volunteering or working in a meaningful position that helps people in some way. IF neither of these interest you, try something simple like being a better listener. You would not believe how appreciative people are of a good listener, especially in times of stress and sorrow. Being a good listener actually cultivates a more compassionate you. Try it out and let me know what you think.
4. Get Rid of Shit-head
Andy put it very simply. The path to happiness includes a cleansing of negativity. This means leaving negative relationships and friendships if they cannot be salvaged. Even negative work relationships could be trying on one’s well being.
5, Do What is Best For You and No One Else
Doing nice things for people is generally good, unless it is at the cost of your own happiness. If you feel like you are overextending yourself, and perhaps doing so under the veil of matyrdom, you better rethink your motives. What exactly are you feeling guilty about or trying to get out of this? There is nothing good about feeling bad, so always keep in mind how you will feel once what’s done is done.
6. Never Let Anyone Put You Down Verbally
This is self explanatory. If someone speaks to you think way, flat out say to them, “Do not speak to me that way.” They might fight back the first time, but if you assertively repeat this simple phrase to them every time they speak to you in a way you find unacceptable, it will eventually sink in.
7. Leave Any Situation if You Have To
Walk away. Go into another room. Go for a walk. Put on your Ipod. Do anything to peacefully remove your self from the negativity. Don’t sink to their level!! You’re better than that!
8.Remove The Negative Person(s) From Your Life as Soon as Possible
While you were reading this, maybe there is someone you have in mind, a someone who is draining you emotionally and bringing out the worst in you. Anyone who brings out the worst in you and drains you emotionally is an energy vampire and they will usually stay until you are strong enough to give them the boot (yes, it usually has to be your decision to get rid of them, unfortunately they tend to cling as long as your willing to let them). If your too weak to ask them to leave, or just not ready to break out the garlic, …. maybe no longer take their calls. Take a few days off from dealing with them to evaluate the situation, possibly make a healthy decision -yay for healthy decisions! -and generally recharge your battery and get back some of the energy they have sucked out of you. If you are in a situation with someone like this, you know you have to act eventually, it is just a matter of time. How much more time do you want to waste being miserable and dissatisfied? Years? Months? Days? Minutes, I hope.
……and finally……
LET EVERYONE THINK YOU’RE OVER HIM/ HER/IT AND YOU WILL BE!
I am a Rape Survivor
You too may be like me, a fellow rape survivor, essentially a member of a club that no one ever really plans on joining. As you probably know, this club is not really that elite. It is common knowledge that 1 in every 6 women has been sexually assaulted. If you have successfully survived the ordeal that is sexual assault, then by the dictionary definition of survivor if you “continue to function or prosper in spite of opposition, hardship, or setbacks,” you too may be able to count yourself as one.
The Arctic Circle on Vimeo
complete with Tim Burtons reaction:)
Grandma makes iPhone quilt for grandson
Filed under: Odds and ends, iPhone
Grandma makes iPhone quilt for grandson
by David Quilty (RSS feed) on Nov 29th 2010 at 5:00PM
We’ve seen an edible iPhone birthday cake, a giant iPhone wedding cake, and Apple icon cupcakes, but here is the ultimate gift to get your new baby interested in emptying your wallet as a teenager — the iPhone blanket. Six day old baby Gabriel Augusto Stein is the proud recipient of this cool iPhone quilt sewn by his even cooler Grandma Harriet, and judging by the size of it in comparison to his body he will be able to use it for years to come. “There’s a nap for that!” says Dad.
Congratulations to the new Mom and Dad — that’s one stylin’ kid you’ve got there!
[via The Daily What]
Sunday Sacrilege: The truth hurts : Pharyngula
« Godspeed, Commander Adams | Main
Sunday Sacrilege: The truth hurts
Category: Godlessness
Posted on: November 28, 2010 10:02 PM, by PZ MyersCardinal George Pell, Archbishop of Sydney, has spoken.
“A minority of people, usually people without religion, are frightened by the future,” he says. “It’s almost as though they’ve … nothing but fear to distract themselves from the fact that without God the universe has no objective purpose or meaning. Nothing beyond the constructs they confect to cover the abyss.”
Mr Pell has a few wrong ideas there, but there is a grain of truth to his statement. We don’t believe the universe has been granted a grand purpose by some kind of deity, something central to the Abrahamic religions, at least, and we do offend Christians by our denial of a key tenet of their faith.
And that’s just fine. We not only deny it, we’re proud of our understanding of reality. It’s not just atheists that reject his god-granted purpose, but the nature of the universe that repudiates him. So let’s be clear: here is an atheist’s understanding of oour place in the cosmos.
You are like a wave in the ocean, like a gust of wind, like a lightning bolt — each one unique, yet at the same time, part of a pattern of forces. But none of us have any special privilege in the universe.
Your mind is the product of intricate, interlinked chemical process. It is complex, but it is also fragile, requiring a delicate balance of minute quantities of ions and molecules to function properly.
You are impermanent. The wave will crash on the shore, the wind will dissipate, the lightning will flash and fade…and they will never return. One day, we all will die, and we each will simply cease to exist.
That’s the core of the matter, the piece Pell has right. The rest he has completely wrong.
We are not afraid. It takes courage to confront and accept reality. The person who has the perspective to appreciate his true place in the world, who can reconcile themself to their mortality and work forthrightly for the truth, is not the frightened one. Courage isn’t a product of lying to oneself about one’s situation, but of recognizing reality and going on anyway.
We’re also not the ones tryint to paper over the abyss with wishful thinking about magical father-figures who are somehow invisible and intangible and never make a scrap of material difference in the world. We aren’t the ones deluding ourselves with fantasies about immortality as a ghost, or with getting our wishes granted by angels.
I can understand why people like Pell are upset. We’re tearing away the lies they use to cover over a fearful truth.
Comments
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Posted by: Finch
| November 28, 2010 10:10 PM
Poetically stated. I particularly like the analogy of ourselves to waves. It makes a lot of sense, considering how often the atoms in our body replace themselves.
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
I can understand why people like Pell are upset. We’re tearing away the lies they use to cover over a fearful truth.
I agree with you on this one. They are too scared to look at the universe directly, and man’s insignificant role in it. They must somehow make themselves special, even if it is through self-delusion. It scares them that we don’t need or want their delusions.
Posted by: Caine, Fleur du mal OM
Excellent post.
Nothing beyond the constructs they confect to cover the abyss.
It’s fairly clear that it’s the religious who are always busy creating (and attempting to shore up) constructs to cover the abyss.
I can stand outside at night, looking up at the stars, pondering the vast universe without fear. I don’t need to imagine a god, a ghostly trio or a pantheon filled with assorted gods.
I can appreciate the universe without needing to think I am incredibly significant in any way to the universe. I can also seriously appreciate my life, because it’s the only one I’ll have.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/7IW3Q_E3tsKloSlnYxkYxNayMxiHG7hu.xyaWoTqcg–#e7f3e
The archbishop sounds like he’s whistling in the dark. I wonder what he’s so frightened of.
plumberbob
Posted by: ‘Tis Himself, OM
Pell sez:
A minority of people, usually people without religion, are frightened by the future
We’re not the ones frightened by the future. He’s the one with the sadistic megalomaniac deity who’s got to be kept appeased by following arbitrary commands or else the follower will suffer unending torment. If his cardinality believes in Hell then he should be scared he’ll end up there for eternity.
Posted by: Aliasalpha
This, like so many inane comments, can best be responded to by quoting Bill Hicks
“People suck, and that’s my contention. I can prove it on a scratch paper and pen. Give me a fucking Etch-a-sketch, I’ll do it in three minutes. The proof, the fact, the factorum. I’ll show my work, case closed. I’m tired of this back-slapping “Aren’t humanity neat?” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes, okay? That’s all we are.”
Posted by: Rey Fox, Death of the Party
“without God the universe has no objective purpose or meaning. Nothing beyond the constructs they confect to cover the abyss.”
So?
What’s so great about God’s supposed purpose for us anyway?
Posted by: rick020200
A minority of people, usually people without religion, are frightened by the future
Seriously? We’re the ones who are afraid? He has no real idea if he’s going to heaven or hell except what he hopes are the correct bets in a Pascal’s Wager. What if he really shouldn’t have eaten pork or worn wool/cotton blend socks? Whoops. He’s the one who believes in hell. He’s the one who’s afraid he’s fucked up his eternity by believing the wrong stuff.
My fears of the future are something like this: Did I save enough for retirement? Not exactly the fears he’s alluding to.
Posted by: kraut
If I was afraid, I might turn to religion. Knowing that one day all will end for me – to acknowledge that and to accept this as a consequence of living takes a courage religious folks just do not have in my experience. And yes, being beyond sixty thinking about my demise comes naturally.
Theirs is a way of denial, looking for the door out of death by pretending they continue some kind of
existence in an afterlife.I have met many that despite of their religion are deathly afraid of dying. Or because of it.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/7IW3Q_E3tsKloSlnYxkYxNayMxiHG7hu.xyaWoTqcg–#e7f3e
I expect that the abyss would be a grand sight, like an infinitely extended Grand Canyon. I don’t suppose that it needs to get covered. I would just hope that if we were ever to see it, we would be like Zaphod Beeblebrox, and would be the ones to not go crazy. Does it worry you, Father Pell?
plumberbob
Posted by: nonsensemachine
| November 28, 2010 10:41 PM
I’ve found that religious people are exponentially more frightened of the future. Partially because society is slowly becoming less religious, partially because they perceive persecution all around, but mostly because the Bible tells them things are going to go to shit real soon and that they will be persecuted like no one has ever been persecuted before.
Posted by: Em Finn
Just for the record, I _am_ afraid.
Hiding my head in the sand of religion doesn’t help, and neither would cowering, mewling and wetting myself (an equally reasonable and correct response).
There’s simply no point in denial of the reality that at some unpredictable point in the future that collection of neurological patterns (and their supporting biology) which are so precious to me will run their course and burn out or be disrupted beyond repair by external force and I will cease to be. But that doesn’t mean I ignore that reality, or am somehow immune to the horrific nature of it.
So, yeah, afraid definitely, but not so much as to become catatonic to the universe and its reality around me. Simply afraid enough to avoid wasting what time I do have.
Posted by: AJKamper
The lack of an objective purpose is my favorite part of being an atheist. Frightened? How about exhilarated!
Posted by: chronoslynx [launchpad.net]
“Uncaring”? No sir, we’re quite caring. We care about other people because its the right thing to do. We care about truth and reason, not mysticism and fear. We care about equality, not oppression.
Cardinal Pell said education was not enough to create a civilised society, that faith was necessary too. He cited the example of 20th century Germany, which he said was the best educated society in the world when Hitler became leader.
Forgive me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t Hitler a Roman Cathollic?
Posted by: elronxenu
Every sermon tells me what they’re afraid of: secularism. They’re afraid of society increasingly rejecting the dogma of religion and a reducing influence in society. They fear irrelevance. They fear atheists, especially those noisy Gnu types.
Big George – you don’t get to tell me what I’m afraid of. But your own words betray your fears.
Posted by: Caine, Fleur du mal OM
Rey:
What’s so great about God’s supposed purpose for us anyway?
What? You mean your goal isn’t to spend eternity on your knees polishing god’s knob ego?
*I just don’t.grok.heaven. Not at all. Sounds hideous to me and for all the descriptions I’ve heard in my lifetime, the concept of heaven seems to illustrate only one thing: that humans seriously lack imagination when it comes to good stuff; where they excel is in imagining various hells.
Posted by: timfast
I am afraid. Afraid that one of them will start a nuclear war. Or use eminent domain to eventually destroy the atmosphere, or something like that.
I fear that their denial of nature will allow one of these godist psychopaths (like that bitch from Alaska) to bring on armageddon, and as everyone dies, they get to stand there, waving their flag saying…
‘see, told ya so.’Posted by: AJKamper
*I just don’t.grok.heaven. Not at all. Sounds hideous to me and for all the descriptions I’ve heard in my lifetime, the concept of heaven seems to illustrate only one thing: that humans seriously lack imagination when it comes to good stuff; where they excel is in imagining various hell
I did enjoy talking to a Muslim professor who suggested that it wasn’t so much that Heaven had 77 virgins or whatever, but that the pleasure of being in Heaven was so great that the greatest pleasure we know in life, sexual pleasure, was the closest analogue expressible in human terms.
In those cases, I feel a little like Casaubon in Foucault’s Pendulum contemplating his Diabolicals. The pattern is so pretty that it’s tempting to ignore the vacuum behind it.
Posted by: irritable
This ambitious local Witchdoctor wastes few opportunities to make pompously spiteful comments about people who don’t share his superstitions.
It’s amusing to reflect that he regards the astonishing achievements of people like Newton, Einstein, Dirac, Darwin, Feynmann et al as “confections”.
Compared to like, you know, the Iron Age fairytales he regards as eternal truths.
Posted by: rick020200
Quoth Caine, Fleur du mal OM:
I just don’t.grok.heaven.
Thank you for using the word ‘grok’. I’ve been wanting to use it in idle conversation recently for some reason, but it seems so uber-nerdy that I just don’t. ‘Tis good to be among friends here.
Posted by: Caine, Fleur du mal OM
AJKamper:
the pleasure of being in Heaven was so great that the greatest pleasure we know in life, sexual pleasure, was the closest analogue expressible in human terms.
That doesn’t help. My brain insists on exploring all the dark corners. Being in a constant state of orgasm (or something much more intense/better) would lead to one of two things: pain or you’d simply become inured to it.
What about all the people who, when living, didn’t care for sex or had very bad experiences with it? What about babies/children?
See, even using sex to try and get people into the idea of heaven is pointless to me and shows a serious lack of imagination. Personally, I’d think people would be more excited by getting to live another life, except with the superpower of their choice.
I can never get past the one serious roadblock, which is that the pleasure of heaven, no matter how it’s described all comes down to this: the supposed pleasure comes from groveling on your knees in worship of [fill in the blank here]. It’s a form of slavering slavery. I find the idea repulsive.
Posted by: Shplane
One day I will die. This is scary. There are people who I have loved, who are dead and gone, who I will never see again. The fact that they are dead instead of here enjoying life is sad and terrible. Many of the greatest minds to ever live are dead and gone, and we will never know how they might have enriched the world if given a few more years of life. Unimaginably huge numbers of human beings have lived and died without being able to experience a fraction of the technological marvels available to the people reading this blog.
That’s all sad, and it sucks, and if I could change it I would. But I can’t, and no one can, and pretending that there’s a shining bearded wizard in the sky will never change that.
I’m afraid of death. My fear doesn’t make God real.
Posted by: C_Ford
THE lives of people without faith have ”nothing beyond the constructs they confect to cover the abyss”
Much the same as The lives of people with faith have “nothing beyond the constructs they confect to cover the abyss”. We have our constructs and you have yours.
Posted by: Wanderfound
I suspect that Pell’s motivation might also have contained a hint of the “we don’t have to worry about the future, because God won’t let anything really bad happen to his chosen people” meme. Pell (who, incidentally, is a slimeball even by Catholic Cardinal standards) has a history of this sort of thing. For example:
Some of the hysteric and extreme claims about global warming are also a symptom of pagan emptiness, of Western fear when confronted by the immense and basically uncontrollable forces of nature. Belief in a benign God who is master of the universe has a steadying psychological effect, although it is no guarantee of Utopia, no guarantee that the continuing climate and geographic changes will be benign. In the past pagans sacrificed animals and even humans in vain attempts to placate capricious and cruel gods. Today they demand a reduction in carbon dioxide emissions.
– George Pell, 2006.
Posted by: Robbie
Re: Nothing beyond the constructs they confect to cover the abyss.
Shouldn’t that read: “cover the abuse”?Posted by: Caine, Fleur du mal OM
rick020200:
‘Tis good to be among friends here.
One of the finer things in life, that. C’mon over the endless thread.
Posted by: Caine, Fleur du mal OM
Pell, quoted in Wanderfound’s #26:
In the past pagans sacrificed animals and even humans in vain attempts to placate capricious and cruel gods. Today they demand a reduction in carbon dioxide emissions.
Right. Because sacrificing animals and reducing carbon dioxide emissions are the same thing. :facepalm:
Posted by: HenryTheHamster
I wonder if this has anything to do with Pell being “frighted of the future” with regards to the growing noises being made in favor of gay marriage in Australia…
Posted by: Ing, Gerund of Death
Right sacrificing humans to appease a deity is just wrong…now burning witches and heretics to cleans your village and appease god’s wrath is just holy.
Posted by: AJKamper
Caine:
See, even using sex to try and get people into the idea of heaven is pointless to me and shows a serious lack of imagination. Personally, I’d think people would be more excited by getting to live another life, except with the superpower of their choice.
Well, start a religion with that and see how many people YOU get to be suicidal killers. Apparently, the Muslim vision works pretty well.
It’s funny, though, because I sort of go both directions at once (like I intimated): one half of me can fully accept what someone is saying–can take that side and craft objections, make further arguments, etc.–while the other half is saying, “Wow, that is SUCH bullshit.”
This is why I’m a mediator-type, I guess.
Posted by: Mr Z
But I disagree,
It takes no courage to face the universe as it is, for that is the justice of life, it is.
The courage is used up rejecting the comfortable imaginations of an all powerful beneficent protector.
To understand the universe and life as harsh, cold, cruel, and indifferent is easy. We have no problems seeing sharks or lions as heartless and ruthless killers, and so we see no problem with life and the universe being likewise. The courage is used in standing against our own kind to tell them they are wrong and that they are promoting stupid ideas.
Posted by: Caine, Fleur du mal OM
AJKamper:
Well, start a religion with that and see how many people YOU get to be suicidal killers.
You got me there. I’ve never had an interest in doing that sort of thing. Of course, if you look at all the odd little cults which have ended up with lots of dead people (Heaven’s Gate, Koresh and his whateveritwas, The People’s Temple, etc.), it doesn’t seem to be all that difficult of a task.
Posted by: raven
A minority of people, usually people without religion, are frightened by the future>
The most frightened people I see are the religious, particularly the fundies.
They are frightened of brown people, gay people, scientists, other xians, Moslems, Democrats, atheists, women, you name it, it scares them. Not content with being scared of real objects, they have to make things up. Satan, demons, other gods, ghosts, UFO aliens, and so on.
Most of the fundies must be the most miserable people on the planet. Their best idea is to sit around in a catatonic trance hoping the Cosmic Genocidal Idiot shows up and kills everyone on earth real soon. Cthulhu, even my cats have better things to do with their lives.
Posted by: weirdwillis
“People suck, and that’s my contention. I can prove it on a scratch paper and pen. Give me a fucking Etch-a-sketch, I’ll do it in three minutes. The proof, the fact, the factorum. I’ll show my work, case closed. I’m tired of this back-slapping “Aren’t humanity neat?” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes, okay? That’s all we are.”
There’s no need to denigrate viruses.
Posted by: Brian
“A minority of people, usually people without religion, are frightened by the future,” he says.
Good grief. Do these asshats ever say anything anymore that isn’t blatant projection? Were they always like this and I just never paid enough attention to notice?
Posted by: Caine, Fleur du mal OM
Brian:
Were they always like this
No, they used to be worse. Used to be they ran around torturing and killing those who disagreed with them. Now that they can’t just scream “burn the heretic!”, you end up with the streams of verbal shit.
Posted by: DrGonzo666
Damn right I’m afraid of the future.
Global warming, acidification of the oceans, peak oil, peak phosphorus, peak fresh water, peak you-name-it, crazy fucks in North Korea and the Middle East and the Tea Party, a world economy rotten to the core and on the brink of collapse…
You’d have to be a fucking idiot not to be afraid of the future at this juncture.
Posted by: JohnnieCanuck
Projection absolutely fascinates me. I don’t think I’ve ever been aware of someone doing it in real life, so it is quite a revelation to see it used so often by religious apologists as exposed here on the Internet.
I marvel at the lack of self awareness required for people to, apparently unthinkingly, try to wound their critics with the arguments or fears that hurt themselves the most.
If previous to this you had asked me to consider the possibility of humans displaying such behaviour, I’d have guessed that it would only be a rare individual, an exception. More and more that seems not to be the case.
Seems that it is in the defence of delusions that it shows up, religion, woo, conspiracy theories and the like, so it’s not like it gets taught in church or something.
Fascinating.
Posted by: nesoo
To continue the whole not grokking Heaven thing, I once had a dream when I was really young, maybe 4 or 5, in which I was in Heaven. I don’t remember most of it, but I do remember that Heaven was filled with adobe buildings, and God was at the top of a flight of steps, and I was spending all my time serving fruit on platters to him.
Heaven didn’t seem all that exciting after that.
Posted by: Randy
*I just don’t.grok.heaven. Not at all. Sounds hideous to me and for all the descriptions I’ve heard in my lifetime, the concept of heaven seems to illustrate only one thing: that humans seriously lack imagination when it comes to good stuff; where they excel is in imagining various hells.
I too don’t understand the appeal of heaven. The thing about it that makes me cringe at the thought of it is the sheer boredom. I mean, what the hell do you do for all of eternity? You sit there in mindless wonderment, no meaningful, stimulating nor intellectual engagement. Just staring for unending eons at the face of God. How mindnumbing and pathetic. And yes, Caine, incredibly unimaginative. No. I want to live forever in Pharyngula land. If there’s a heaven it’s right here!
Posted by: Guy M
Personally I think this is pretty mild for pell. I’m Australian and this bloke has been upseting me the whole of my life with useless hatefilled statements. Even the anti climate change stuff is mild. In the USA you have beck et al, here… we have pell.
As to his comments, of course they are total nonsense, of course its the religous that are the scared ones (cowards is probably a better term than scared). Pell, like all religous zealots, are completly blind to reason, the only people they listen to are other religitards who back up whatever rubish is being presented and dismiss out of hand any comment that disagrees. He preaches god without reason or proof, why should he offer any with another statement?Posted by: Caine, Fleur du mal OM
DrGonzo666:
You’d have to be a fucking idiot not to be afraid of the future at this juncture.
Sure. That’s no reason to not live your life to the best of your ability, to try to help in ways you are able and to enjoy your life.
Cowering in fear is no help; neither is hiding behind a made up god. The religious want to keep the status quo, actually, they want to go backwards. If there is to be any hope, they and their rhetoric needs to be fought.
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